Everyone Has Them
by crematosis
Summary: Light is not afraid of anything...except for boobs. LightxL


A/N: This is just pure crack, plain and simple. XD I dunno where I got the idea for this, but somehow the thought of seeing L with boobs makes me laugh…especially double D's or something equally ridiculous on his tiny little body.

Disclaimer: I don't own…I'd love to though if someone wants to sell me and L. I promise not to molest him…much.

Light had always considered himself a model citizen. He was polite and well-mannered. He didn't laugh at the misfortunes of others or stare at those who were disfigured. But now…he couldn't help himself from staring at L's chest. Or rather, the recent growths protruding from L's chest.

"Raito-kun, will you kindly look at my face when you are talking to me? Why are you so determined to stare at my breasts?"

"Because you're not supposed to have them!" Light blurted out, still unable to tear his eyes away.

L sighed and waved a hand in Light's face, finally directing the teen's gaze upwards. "Ratio-kun, be reasonable. We all possess the same equipment. Males as well as females have nipples. We just do not need them to nourish children."

"But…but…yours aren't supposed to be so….you're supposed to be flat-chested!' Light protested.

L shrugged. "I suppose I am a little out of proportion. It is unusual for someone so thin to be so naturally curvy. But it is no fault of mine."

Light let out an aggravated groan. "But…you weren't…those weren't there yesterday!"

L smiled. "Of course they were. Raito-kun was not looking yesterday. Does Raito-kun seem something he likes?"

"Ryuuazki," Light said in a pained voice. "I love you because you're not a woman. Why are you turning into one?"

L put a gentle hand against Light's chest. "When you point out the fault in others, first consider your own faults."

Light looked down at let out a shriek as he noticed that he had his own impressive set of mammary glands.

Light woke up with a gasp. "Just a nightmare…just a horrible nightmare. Oh god, Ryuuzaki. That was the craziest dream I ever had."

L remained asleep, his soft breathing his only answer.

Light frowned, dissatisfied with L's lack of response. He decided to shake L awake. "Come on, wake up. I want to tell you about my dream. I dreamed that you had-"

Light cut himself off as his hand touched not his lover's bony chest, but a soft, fleshy mound. Light's eyes widened. "Holy shit!" he shrieked.

Light raced down the hallway and locked himself into the bathroom, still hyperventilating.

Misa yawned and sat up in bed. "Where did Light go?"

L padded over to the bed and frowned at Misa. "Your experiment was a failure. Your mere presence was enough to send Raito-kun running. Will you now give up and leave us to our own relationship?"

Misa pouted unhappily. "I suppose Light isn't being forced to sleep with you. I guess he doesn't love me. Why wouldn't he find Misa attractive?" Misa sniffed sadly.

L awkwardly patted Misa's shoulder. "I suspect the reason is that Raito-kun is gay. He does not like women. It is not your fault."

"Perhaps Misa can make him not gay?"

L listened to Light whimpering in the bathroom, something about how the breasts were planning on taking over the world. "No, Misa. I sincerely doubt it."

Misa sighed and gathered up all of her stuff. "Misa is going home," Misa announced sadly.

L just nodded and started down the hallway to the bathroom. "Raito-kun? It's me."

"Ryuuzaki?" Light voice quavered with fear. "I don't want to see anymore breasts. No more."

L paused thoughtfully. "I apologize, Raito-kun. I did not know that Misa flashed you. It is understandable that you are traumatized."

"Misa?"

"Yes, Misa snuck into bed with you. She was of the opinion that she could convince you to run away with her and leave me."

Light exhaled loudly and slowly unlocked the bathroom door. "Okay…just Misa. No more breasts."

Light was relieved to see L when he stepped out of the bathroom. "God, I've never been happier to see you in my life." He reached to embrace L.

But L backed away and stayed just out of reach, a worried look on his face. "Raito-kun, I think you should have a look in the mirror."

Light whirled around to look in the mirror, the terror returning. "Oh my god." Light's eyes widened in horror at the sight of his swollen left side which was currently attempting to become an A cup. But who knew when they would stop growing? He felt horrified just thinking that he could end up just like in his dream. He took a shaky breath and fainted.

L grabbed him and slowly eased his lover to the floor. He gently undid Light's pajama shirt and studied Light's chest. Light had a particularly nasty mosquito bite mere inches from his nipple and the whole area was pink and dramatically swollen. L nodded solemnly. The loss of blood was surely what had caused Light's faint. He kissed Light's forehead and scooped Light of the floor as best he could, half-dragging, half-carrying the youth back to bed.

Light had always insisted to L that he wasn't gay. Sure, he was in love with L and L was a man, but Light always emphatically declared that their love was a unique aberration of his normal sexual inclination and that if they ever broke up, he would go back to dating women. However, after that night, Light finally confessed to being gay. Women, for some reason, had suddenly seemed frightening.

The End!


End file.
